ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize