my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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