I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
