Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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