Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
