a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
