he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
