I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
