she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
