I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
