Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
