i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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