I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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