in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
ok first of all what the fuck
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
