none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
