Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize