I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
