He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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