A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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