i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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