There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
