We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
