my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
