but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize