i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
