I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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