never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize