it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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