dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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