The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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