Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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