My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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