I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
