I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
