dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
