So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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