I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
