new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
