saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's blow job season.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
