Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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