Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
