That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
