dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
