being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
