hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
