3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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