That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
