I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
