Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
