i don't like sucking hair
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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