You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
