Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
