I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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