Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
