We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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