i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
