i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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