dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
