I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
