i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
