I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
