I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
