hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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