the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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