Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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