Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
