The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
