Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
