proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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