yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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