i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
