My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
