Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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