guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
