all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
