I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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