Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize