I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
