He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
