Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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