...so i touched it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And then he peed in my hair
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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