So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
