They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
