I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
