Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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