plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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