enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
