woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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