you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
