the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
