Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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