omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize