Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
