Tell her she can't have a vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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