If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
